The Hat in the CHAC

A while back in the land of San Francisco

Before the dot coms and after the disco

A man named Larry stood on the beach

And said "Let's throw a party for all the nice freaks!"

They built them a man and made him 8 feet tall

And set him on fire and soon he did fall

They danced and drank under the moon

"We must do this again", they cried, "and we must do it soon!"

A full year passed and once again they did throw

The event that we came to love and to know

On the beach by the water and deep in the sand

The event known simply as Burning Man!

The numbers grew large and so did the fi-ya

So one year they packed up and left for the playa

Theme camps soon followed and set up their shops

From raging Santas to licensed fashion cops

The time soon came when I had to see with my own eyes

This land of enchantment under crystal blue skies

I gathered my glowsticks and my lucky green sock

I packed up the car and set sail to Black Rock!

I was greeted by a nun sporting a flaming pink beard

Who spanked my bare butt while onlookers cheered

I set up my camp and soon called it home

But it may have been a mistake to camp next to Thunderdome

I haven't slept in three and a half days

Both my memory and my pants have been lost in the haze

I have glitter in body parts that I didn't know I had

And I just saw a naked man who looks just like my dad

It's ninety-eight degrees and it's not even ten-thirty

I just took a shower and already I'm dirty

My eyes are encrusted and I have cracks in my toes

There are things in my nostrils the size of potatoes

Between starvation and water loss I'll finally be thin

And that last dust storm sanded off three layers of skin

With the heat and the grime and the noise and the crowd

And the eight hundred rave camps playing techno too loud

Any sane person would have to ask just why we are here

But all I can wonder is...

... when do tickets go on sale for next year?